It's supposed to get easier

Isn't it supposed to get easier?

This thought repeated itself through my head as I struggled through what should have been an easy 6 mile run.  I had to break it into two 5Ks and still barely finished. I've been struggling with running this winter.

I've been struggling with a lot more than running this winter.

Hell, it's been a struggle filled year.

Ten months ago, I left a job I thought was horrible. I thought the work was boring and there was no future with the company. I was snotty and self-righteous. I left for what I thought was greener pastures.

I was warned that the first year would be rough. I didn't realize that the first year would be marked by such frustrating levels of insecurity and self-doubt that sometimes I think parking my car is the only thing I do correctly. I get out of the car and immediately start doing things incorrectly. I never know for sure if I am doing anything right but, boy, they let me know when I'm wrong.

Every day I tell myself that it's going to get better. It's going to get easier. But it doesn't seem to get any easier. It seems to get harder and harder to put up with the condescending remarks, the arbitrary and shallow processes, the remarkably unfriendly personnel. It digs deeper each day.

Running got easier. It never got easy-- but it got easier. I was at the gym tonight after a miserable 10 hours at the office preceded by a late night of doing schoolwork. I resisted the urge to ignore my healthy lunch and hit the vending machine for every chocolate product in there. I was at the gym, so why was running a simple 5K so damn hard? Was it because I did a strong tempo run last night and my legs were tired? Was my bra/tank combo too tight and making it hard to breath? Did I eat enough today? Am I just tired?  

Or, is it just life? 

Dear Winter

Dear Winter,

Thank you for all the snow you gave us here in the Northeast this past year. Starting in January 2010, you have been so generous with the amounts of snowfall. I certainly enjoyed the extra days off from work and school. I watched lots of bad tv, ate lots of food and took a lot of naps. I didn't even mind shoveling the entire driveway when my landlord claimed he "you know, has a bad back like that." I was fun. I made a  snow angel.

I had fun running with you last winter too. I felt so tough and hardcore when I'd jump over snow piles and play hopscotch through black ice patches. I surrendered my towpath routes after the second blizzard when there was like a foot of snow that would just not melt. My legs would get so cold that I couldn't feel them on our morning adventures and therefore didn't know if they hurt. I thought it was awesome that I didn't have to wash all my running clothes immediately because you barely sweat when temperatures are below freezing.

 I see you're back at it again. I really enjoyed that extra day off after Christmas. But, you know, Winter, we're good on the snow. Really. Unfortunately my deadlines remain the same no matter how much white stuff you send. It just gets more difficult to do my work from home since my lazy a$$ landlord won't shovel or even help clear the driveway so we can get to the office. I have a professor who thinks his class is far more important than my safety. He will be very unhappy if I miss listening to him marvel at the brilliance of his own voice because you've made the roads so slick and slippery. I disagree with him and side with you on that though.

And Winter, I really can not stand to run with you anymore. I'm cold. I can feel the nerves and tendons in my hamstrings right now. They are cold. I have no more layers left to wear. My clothes are always wet from frost and snow. I think my hair froze this morning. I have frozen frizz. And as if being constantly afraid of bears, deer, cars and crazy people while I'm running in the darkness isn't enough-- I know have to watch every single step for fear of slipping or sliding on the treacherous black ice patches that are everywhere.

I don't want to play anymore, Winter. We had fun. It was great but I just can't keep this up!

Have you heard from Spring lately?

Thanks,

Lindsey

Working with Running

I've been a runner for two years but I've been a corporate stooge for five years. I sold my soul early for the luxury of medical insurance and never having to think for myself.  I used to think that being a runner had very little to do with being an editor, or any entry-level position. But Runner Linds is not so different than 9-5 Linds. Being a runner and working in office will teach you about determination, pushing yourself (or being pushed) and how to feel proud of your accomplishments.
In a corporate world though, it's not just you and your sneakers. There are coworkers, office mates, clients, bosses, managers and really mean cafeteria ladies.

I'm going to start a section of my blog for the working' runner. I say blog loosely because posting once every other week might not be enough. Just like my running advice and tales, the working side of this blog will also be void of legimacy or information. It'll just be funny stories, insights, and experiences I've had along the way. Please do not read if you're actually looking for ways to get ahead your career. Please don't read this if you're trying to become a runner. I'm good for laughs and maybe some inspiration. Or maybe I'm full of myself and lack both. Either way, I'm by no means an authority on anything. I'm convinced that a woman don't get to be an authority or taken seriously until she's thirty, married or has a child. That is it's own blog post right there.
.
Here are a few teasers:

• The printer always wins. Always. Printers are like Transformers. They're disguised as a normal machine but their sole purpose in life is to ruin you. Their distructive forces get more powerful after 5pm and the peak on Fridays.
• You must watch one horrible reality television show. In any office, in any industry, in any part of the country, someone is talking about Project Runway. Know at least ONE person on ONE show if you ever want to talk to anyone. Popular shows: Amazing Race, Project Runway, Top Chef, The Apprentice, The Biggest Loser. JUST ONE PERSON!
• It's good to take a pen and paper into meetings. It's bad to doodle all over it instead of paying attention. It's really bad to draw violent, disturbing images in the margins.

 Confession:I have two sets of clothes, work clothes and work-out clothes. I feel way more confident  and sexy in my running capris than I do in pin-stripped trouser pants.