Graduate School Recap

In 2009, I set out to earn my Master's Degree in Publication Management from Drexel University in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I really had no idea what that meant at the time and still am a bit unclear. This journey has been intersting to say the least. As I reflect back on the crazyness that was my graduate school experience, I offer the following advice for anyone who is considering the same route.

Lessons from the Classroom
• E-books are important. They have revolutionized the publishing industry. Blah Blah Blah.
• Amazon and iTunes are evil. Blah blah blah.
• Self-published books are not really ‘books’ blah blah blah
• Self-published authors are no-talent hacks with no merit.
• Rhetoric is a term only used by people who think rhetoric matters and those people usually only exist in the academic bubble. See also “discourse”. 
• Adobe Creative Suite is really powerful software than can really advance your skills and value in the workplace…. But we’re not going to teach you how to use it
• Social media is either the best thing ever or the end of civilization.

Lesssons in PowerPoint
• Having successfully linked websites and audio for a presentation is incredibly difficult for anyone over the age of 40.
• PowerPoint is the only way to communicate with professors
• The student who asks the most questions during a PowerPoint is also the most likely to have an obnoxiously long PowerPoint Presentation.
• The formatting, background and graphics of your presentation sometimes matter more than your content.
• Preparing a comprehensive presentation about a 20 page article that only lasts 5 or 10 minutes is simply not possible. The professor will schedule all 15 students to give 10 minute presentations and then get pissy when everyone goes over and class is late.
• Classmates will read your inbox if you have emailed the presentation to yourself or use Google Docs.
• Wikipedia is a credible source only when used in a presentation from the department chair.

Lessons in Caffeine
• The Starbucks on 34th and Chestnut is superior to the Starbucks on campus. It’s worth leaving 20 minutes earlier than truly necessary in order to have enough time to get a caffeine fix before class.

• The vending machines on campus are probably more technically advanced and powerful than the computers the professors use.

Lessons from/for Classmates
• The appropriate pronoun for transgendered persons is Xee and if you don’t know this, you’re an insensitive prick. Apparently.
• Class time is not or should not be time to vent your latest woes or work-related frustrations. Save it for happy hour, please.
• Some students are much more intelligent and diligent than others. Some are more talkative and some are more argumentative. If you recognize this, you can have a very constructive experience and gain more from the discussions than the curriculums. In some cases, classmates may have more relevent experience than the professor in certain areas.
• Graduate school is a very good networking opportunity. Classmates get other classmates jobs at their companies and shared really good career advice. Most of the professors either work in the publishing industry or used to and have ties to the employment opportunities. So, don’t wear sweatpants to class, don’t yell at other classmates, don’t snark at your professors, and do not dismiss the achievements or insights of your classmates. I’ve met several people I’d hire in an instant and some that I’d blacklist…if I had the power.

"In the Real World"

Dear Graduate School Professor


Please stop referring to the 'real world' and the experiences I'll have when I get there. I've been in the real world for several years now. I am not paying you $3,000/quarter to fill a syllabus with real world type situations. You're filling the undergrads (and unemployed graduate students) heads with false notions of editorial analysis and linear review processes that are simply fantastical.

I'd love to have the control and importance to actually receive a manuscript with time to thoroughly review, consider, and edit it. I dream of a conference with the writers when we can discuss the organization and structure of a publication and even spar over the serial comma. What 'real world' does this happen? The majority of the time I'm handed twelve pieces of pre-approved content in nine different formats three days after it was due to the printer and told to make it happen yesterday. I don't worry about complex sentences, I worry about deadlines and SLAs. My biggest issue is not  a stubborn writer; it is a page that dropped off of a PDF in the fourth draft but didn't get caught until press time. I'm fully embedded in this 'real world.' 


 Furthermore, Graduate School Professor, when were you in this 'real world.'? As an editor for a relevent publishing company, I have not yet had to justify my actions to the writer. I've had to cover my ass to the client on countless occasions. My explanations are usually followed with emails and PDFs to prove that I was told to make a change to document.My interactions with writers and clients are CC-ed to at three supervisors (yes, I have three supervisors and maybe four bosses) and all have end goal of  on time and error free. 

In what 'real world' did you exist before joining the cult of the academic where editors were revered as experts? You should rename that section to "The Editor as a Scapegoat." The only time I've had to explain the alternate uses of the passive voice is when trying to defend my ego against a particularly rude email and/or missed order. 


So while we sit here in class at 8:23pm and undergrads are asking mundane questions such as 'so, what if the writer, like, you know, doesn't like listen to you and then they're stuff is like, wrong and people, readers, whatever like read it or whatever. Like, what do you then?" I'm silently screaming, YOU DO IT! THEY PAY YOU AND SO YOU DO IT AND YOU MOVE ON AND WITHIN TWO MONTHS YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT SEMICOLONS ANYMORE. 
And I'm also making to do lists and strategies for how I'm going to handle the 20 emails in my inbox, the 200 pages of an Economics proof I need to check, and the 2 chapters I have to read for your class. Graduate school has been more of an exercise in time management than it has been in professional development. 


Professor, your 'real world' and my real world conflict. My real world is funding your current world. Please join me on the side of practical, true experience and restrain from ideals and theories. The only place ideals and theories work are your 'real world' of old. 


Sincerely,


The-tired-looking-frazzled-student-in-the-corner-with-her-ID-badge-still-attached-making-death-stares-at-the-kid-eating-a-meatball-sub-in-the-middle-of-class.